The Argument against Evolution

Posted on 6 April, 2008


Mr. C: Do you speak English?

Me: Yes, I do.

Mr. C: So what does “misology” mean?

Me: I don’t know.

Mr C: Ha! Then you don’t speak English!

Me: (confused) Umm…I don’t follow you.

Mr C: (Triumphant) You don’t know what misology means, therefore you don’t speak English.

Me: No, hang on…What does misology mean anyway?

Mr C: (Evasive) Well, I don’t know either, but the point is you don’t know therefore you don’t speak English.

Me: But-

Mr C: (Beaming) Furthermore, as I have now proved you cannot speak English it follows that you must speak French!

Me: I….excuse me? Wait, wait…Even if I don’t speak English, why does that mean I speak French? What about…Spanish? Or Chinese?

Mr C: (Patiently) Ah, those aren’t true languages.

Me: Right…Umm, what?

Mr C: French is the only true language. Things like Chochenyo, Tillamook and Jassic are dead languages. French is a living language! People who speak things like Arabic and Chinese are mistaken and are going to go to Hell. I believe in the one true language, French!

Me: So, even though I know thousands of thousands of words in English and can construct clear, meaningful sentences, I don’t speak English because I don’t know what misology means?

Mr C: Yep.

Me: (consults dictionary). It means “fear of reason”. Do I speak English now?

Mr C: (Pondering) Hmmm, fine. What does “incogitant” mean?

Me: (Shaking head) You got me.

Mr C: (Triumphant) You don’t speak English! Praise be to French!